Why I Don't Want Prince Charming (And Neither Should You)

No, I'm not here about to tell you that Prince Charming doesn't exist. That's a big load of bullshit conjured up by bullshit guys who want you to think you can't do better than them. Oh no, Prince Charming exists. Not only am I sure he exists, I'm relatively sure there are thousands of men who can qualify for the Prince Charming label in any given generation. That's not the point. The point is that you're not a fucking princess.

And by princess here I don't mean prissy and fussy. I mean classy, charismatic, cultured, etc. I'm pretty sure you are not on Prince Charming's level in any of these facets, and if you do match up with one or two, there are probably some other big gaps in your Princess Charming qualities because you're a goddamn normal person and that's how it is.

You are not beautiful and unique in your own snowflake way. Your kindergarten teacher lied to you just like she lied about the class hamster Mr. Scoots going to live on a nice farm. The things that make you interesting to some people are also the things that make you intolerable to others. There is no one on earth who thinks all your weird little quirks are on the awesome side of the lameness spectrum, there are only people to whom the lame quirks are tolerable and/or unimportant. When compared to Prince Charming, who is the classiest of class acts, your lame quirks are going to look a lot less tolerable and a lot more important. And when this happens, one of you is going to get pissed. Most likely, it will be you.

Yes, you. Why? Because Prince Charming is a reasonable person, odds are good he's not going to insert his head up in his ass and start nitpicking at you for not being good enough for him. If you really get under his skin, he will probably be decent and leave. And if you don't get under his skin, his acceptance of your issues will get under yours. When he doesn't notice that he's out of your league, you will, and it's going to bug the crap out of you. Every time he takes the high road, you get a little more angry, sneaky-hate-spiral type angry. You don't realize it's making you angry until one day he goes and does something awesome and you just hate it.

Because when you're surrounded by people who do things better than you, it makes you realize all the ways in which you should be better, but aren't. It makes you feel bad about yourself, and that can make you resentful. You most likely won't understand why you can't just be happy with a good thing, and that will make you feel worse. That's why, when a normal guy surprises you with breakfast, it's okay that he follows up by whacking you in the shins to see how long it takes before you kick him. That's what makes you feel okay when you do something ridiculous that afternoon. It's all balance. If he surprised you with breakfast and then did the dishes and didn't do anything weird up until you left the house with your pants on backwards later that day, then you're the loser in the relationship. No one wants to be that person, so being made that person by comparison to someone amazing hurts.

And if you don't feel that way, you're a jerk and you don't deserve Prince Charming. So there.

Hawaii: Where Every Day Is Opposite Day

I'm beginning to think that people here actually do make an effort to figure out what the best plan of action is, then they willfully do the exact fucking opposite.

I've been suspicious of this for a while now, but this week I really think I've come across irrefutable proof. Monday, January 10th, was the first day of class for all the schools in the University of Hawaii system. The first week to two weeks of every semester is marked by extremely heavy traffic around campus, impossible parking, and lines with waits of twenty to forty five minutes at pretty much every office on campus. The longest and most annoying lines are for student ID validations, textbook purchases, and financial aid office help.

Those first two things are located in the Campus Center building, which is also the student union. The book store is here, along with the ID/bus pass office, student government, university credit union, a major computer lab, all the meeting and conference rooms, the campus copy center, and most of the eateries available on campus. It's a lot of things in a large building.

UH decided that the weekend before class started was the best time to start massive expansion project on Campus Center. They also decided that walkways are for chumps and completely blocked off the entire center of campus, AKA the place with the heaviest foot traffic and the intersection of every path necessary to get from one building to another. For good measure, they also repaved the second busiest walkway on the other side of campus and blocked it off entirely, too.

So now to get anywhere, we have to make massive detours that don't make any sense, and you have to stalk in circles around Campus Center before you can find a way in. There is only one way in now, by the way.

And just in case no one cared that foot traffic was an ordeal, the city also decided to repave the major road that runs alongside campus and in front of all the dorms on the first two days of school, shutting it down. And because they also hate pedestrians, they made it impossible to cross without walking for two blocks in either direction of the major intersection at which we all normally cross.

Hawaii: You Will Run On Island Time Or We Will Fucking Make You Run On Island Time.