Gateway House is the new Free Store

A few weeks ago a group of skinny white guys rolled up in a van and stole all the couches out of the lobby of my dorm. In broad daylight & with the RAs present, who got photos of them and their license plate numbers. We later saw them being chased around campus by security, but we have yet to get the couches back.

Then last night we saw (well, I missed it because I was in the shower, to my endless disappointment) a guy stealing a bike. Oh I'm sorry, did I say stealing a bike? Because I meant being a goddam ignoramus. This slick joker was at the bike racks directly below ALL the windows in one tower of Gateway trying to hacksaw a u-lock. I don't think I have to explain why this is one of the dumbest things anyone will ever see, but there are a few things that make it extra special: For starters, you can hear what goes on around the racks in every room in this side of the building, which houses upwards of 100 people. It was late, meaning not only was everyone home, it was quiet hours in the dorms.

And my favorite part of this whole equation? Most of the bikes out there don't have good locks like that one did. Even the nicer bikes mostly have crappy cable locks, the kind you can take off with pretty much anything sharp that you could find in a tool box. If this maroon had invested in a pair of bolt cutters he could have probably absconded with two or three bikes before anyone noticed.

Instead, he tried to hacksaw a u-lock. So some time after midnight, the entire Ewa tower of Gateway House was serenaded with the scrsh-scrsh-scrsh sounds of saw-on-tough-ass-bike-lock.

Don got up and yelled "HO, WHATCHU STAY DOING?" out the window. There was a short silence... Then faster, scrshscrshscrshscrshscrsh. After a minute he took off, just before campus security rolled up. I was mad that Don yelled at him because I wanted to go down and sneak up on him. Oh well.

With this caliber of criminal, I'm questioning the necessity of a police department. We should just phase it out and use the money to end Furlough Fridays and buy me a shiny new bat. I'm pretty positive I could personally take care of this problem with a shiny bat. They'll call me the Bear Haole.

Moldy book smell

So far I'm done with history of anth and archaeology, so I managed to sell my books back for a good price. Now I'll still be spending the rest of the week in Sinclair library, which has a mold problem so it smells like broken dreams and dead unicorns. It's also creepy as shit.

Hey guys let's go investigate that strange noise.

My computer decided not to connect to the wireless so now I'm here just chilling waiting for Layne to get done with his stuff. I don't have any more finals until Thursday but there are two big bitch finals back to back on Friday. They involve a lot of reading and remembering endless amounts of inane details sooo yeah. But I finished my arch final in 20 mins after walking in late so for the rest of the day I went around going MY DICK VIP. YO SHIT NEEDS ID. But I won't be doing that come Thursday so I better get my giggles in now.

Seriously though this place smells like doom and hopelessness.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone because I am a consumer whore.

The moth that time forgot

This five inch wide moth (yes u measured it) has been starring in the window at me for the better part if two hours, so naturally I tried to feed it a sugar cube.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone because I am a consumer whore.

RIP you old structuralist coot

Well, Lévi-Strauss died on October 30th and somehow I didn't hear about it at all until today. It wasn't really on the news for some reason-- I guess anthropology isn't a hot topic anymore. Just earlier that week our history of anth prof was telling us he woke up every morning waiting to hear the news that Lévi-Strauss was dead, so we're blaming him for jinxing it. We all also got a horrible icy feeling when it was suggested that some of our professors might assign something on him in the interest of current events but so far none of them have mentioned it so hopefully it won't happen. I do not want to have to either BS my love for the guy or do the research necessary to come up with an essay-worthy argument against his ideas because he had a lot of them and most aren't very interesting. Sorry Claude, I'm happy for you and imma let you finish but Michael Jackson still had the best death this year.

In related news I saw Paranormal Activity on Halloween and I think it's the perfect example of why encouraging women to be unassertive is so extremely dangerous... And I'm only partially joking. The first time a freaking demon came and loomed over me in my sleep I would have taken the boyfriend's video camera and stuck it where the sun don't shine. LOL I'M A MAN MY SCROTUM WILL SOLVE THIS PROBLEM BECAUSE I'M A MANLY MAN AND I CAN PROTECT MY FEMALE WITHOUT DOING WHAT ALL THE EXPERTS TELL ME. What the eff ever.

(Man who thought I would ever get more than one use out of this Kanye West tag?)

Alright gang, let's split up

I think Hawai'i is officially the most haunted place in the freaking world. Apparently no one here has ever seen a horror movie because they just will not stop building stuff over ancient burial sites. They don't even excavate and re-bury the remains, they just screw it all up. They were gonna put the new Whole Foods in one place but people got mad because there was a burial ground there so they moved it to Kahala where they moved a cemetery so they could put it in that spot. THAT'S NOT ANY BETTER, GUYS. Seriously I looked at a list of haunted places on this island and all but like three of them were build on burial grounds. Whyyyyy.

This came up in the debate over whether or not to go see Paranormal Activity with my buddy Ikemen (names changed to protect the innocent whatever and to also make him incredibly awesome) when he also suggested we go to Morgan's Corner. This, I think, is the worst idea in the history of all bad ideas. For those of you not in the know (i.e. everyone) that's a now closed-off road, at the end of which a girl hung herself some years back. It's popularly known as being Super Crazy Haunted and if you go there you will see her and then she will freaking kill you. If you're in a car, supposedly it will stall at a certain point in the road and everything. You know what I don't want, guys? I don't want to invoke a goddam Ju-on style haunting that will kill me in the same manner as my nightmares, thereby manifesting my darkest fears into flesh. That does not sound like a fun weekend.

What I DO want to do, however, is walk over the bridges in the Manoa Valley hiking trail. It's a long trail with a dead end and apparently when you walk down it there are seven bridges to cross but when you walk back there are only six. I have GOT to see if this is for real. Some of Ikemen's friends did and it and swore there were only six coming back but I'm not buying that. I gotta actually go and get to the end with one bridge missing before I'll believe it, but this is such a common story (and it's so easily verifiable) that it just has to be true. The case is probably that, when you walk back, the lay of the land is such that when you walk over one of the bridges you don't notice it. But I want to find out now!

Luckily one of the biggest hauntings here, the night marchers, cannot be seen by haole so at least I'm off the hook for that one. I don't know if they're supposed to still be able to take your soul but as long as I don't see them I think I'm good.


Anyone wondering what "ikemen" is, basically it's someone who would fit in this photo.