Which one of you preppies put gold dust in my fencing mask

If you don't laugh at this you have no soul.

Stuff White People Like

Okay, I have a proposal for two additions to the list of Stuff White People Like... Which, by the way, got me again with the addition of "Hating People Who Wear Ed Hardy." Touché, Mr. Lander. Maybe one day you will convince me that I am white and not Caucasian but that day is not today.

Anyway, Stuff White People Like.

#129 - Wooing. No I don't mean making the ladies swoon, I mean yelling WOOOOOO. After much careful observation I have concluded that only white people woo, and that it is always completely douchebaggy. The two favored places to woo are in a large group of moving people and in a large group of people moving in a car. Apparently being in a "fun" place makes white people much more likely to woo, as I have probably heard five thousand god damn woos from white people over the last three weeks since my bedroom window faces both the main dorm walk and the main street on campus, meaning that every group of moving people going woo as well as every car full of people going woo can conveniently be heard clearly in my effing room. Apparently other people are getting tired of this, too, because today after a few walkway woos another girl on the floor above me yelled SHUT THE HELL UP out her window. The worst times for wooing are definitely on Friday and Saturday nights, as the number of alcoholic drinks a white person has consumed has a direct relationship with how many woos they will throw out in an hour.

#130 - Blasting Hip Hop. This goes somewhat hand in hand with #116 - Black Music that Black People Don’t Listen to Anymore except that these are the white people that do listen to “Commercial Hip Hop” which I guess could land them in the category of the Wrong Kind of White People. The deal isn't that they listen to hip hop, however, it's that they play it as loudly as humanly possible with the bass turned up so high that my room shakes when they drive by on Dole St. These white people don't seem to actually really listen to or enjoy hip hop, they just pick a few tracks to play extremely loudly in the hopes that it will make them look cool to everyone who can hear it. They seem oblivious to the fact that it actually makes us want to punch them in the nose.

If that wasn't annoying enough, there are about half a dozen particular songs that some group of white people really, really like somewhere in the vicinity of my room. I've never been able to tell where it's coming from, but every day the same five or so songs are played in a loop so loudly that I can hear them in bed with the fan on over the traffic noise even though I think the person playing it is actually in the building next door. On top of that I can't actually hear the song for real, just the bass (in the case of cars) or the drum machine (in the case of my wanker neighbor).

But the thing that is about to make me snap and FIND this guy is one song in particular that he normally plays in the morning while I'm sleeping and at night while I'm trying to work has a track in the chorus of some kind of small child babbling out of tune with the music that for some reason is as loud as the drum machine. So I hear DOON DOON CHCKA DOON DOON CHCKA BLAHBLAH DOON BLEE DOON BLOOBLAH BLAH CHCKA. One weird habit my brain has is partially waking up in the late morning and convincing me that something I'm dreaming about actually happened*. It doesn't tell me OH PSYCH THAT WAS A DREAM GIRL for at least a few hours. On the mornings I get to sleep in that babbling somehow gets into my head while I'm half-awake, so three days out of the week I spend 7am-9am half-dreaming that I am interacting with a lost child and/or have to get my own kids ready for school. To say I wake up confused would be the understatement of the century. I am pretty sure this is going to drive me to madness. I guess the reason he's playing it so loud is because that babbling has caused him to go insane such that he thinks playing the same five songs over and over so loudly that he's causing himself hearing damage is a good idea.



*This is one reason I avoid zombie movies. If I watch one I am probably 98% likely to dream about it all night, and for the first thirty or so minutes after I wake up I am pretty positive that I need to get to a mall fast.

Haole is the new gringo

To everyone who told me that I would not be a minority here: YOU WERE WRONG. I am the only white person around like 90% of the time and it is extremely awesome.

To everyone who told me that I cannot use the word "haole" casually: YOU WERE ALSO WRONG. All the haole do it and it's awesome. We're bringing haole back (YEAH) them other gaijin don't know how to act (YEAH) TAKE IT TO THE BEEEAAACH.

That was Justin Timberlake, guys. Honky Extraordinaire.

This is awesome because it means that I now have the perfect replacement in other songs words I am not allowed to say. Case in point, Black Eyed Peas:

Haole gon hate on us (WHO)
Haole be en-vi-ous (WHO)
I know why they hate on us (WHY)
'Cause we so fab-u-lous (WHAT)
Imma be real on us (C'MON)
Nobody got nothin on us (NO)
Girls be all on us
From the mainland back down to the US(S ARIZONA)

Okay maybe that was a little much, but you get the idea. Kudos to the one person who may or may not actually get these stupid pop music jokes.

We got that boom boom pow

One really weird/cool thing about UHM is that there's constantly music everywhere. This is good because in NJ I would ask people "hey have you heard the new Radiohead yet?" and they'd be all "lol who." Usually I answer the blank stares I sometimes get when Radiohead comes up by going, you know, I'm a creeeeep, I'm a weirdo... but that didn't work there as apparently none of them had ever heard it. What the crap, even my mom knows the words to that song (hi mom, sorry mom).

Anywhoo there's been a DJ booth outside Campus Center all week for some reason and tonight there was a live band in the little square between the four Hale Aloha towers next to my dorm. I get woken up every morning by people driving around playing loud music starting at 5am which, while annoying, is still cool because at least the people out here are alive.

The downside is that living in a dorm and not having a car means there is NOWHERE I can play loud music and sing without anyone hearing me. Yes the no one hearing me part is important. It's not fun if you know your neighbor is sitting in their room griping about your bad taste in music.

This is unrelated to anything else but I just have a love affair with this video and I would like to pimp it as much as possible: